The Da Vinci Load

All we've been hearing about lately is the Da Vinci Code debate. It's everywhere, everybody's talking about it, and yet I don't think we know what we're really "debating" about. Is it "Jesus is real" vs. "Jesus was not real?" Is it "Jesus isn't God's son" vs. "Jesus is God's son?" Or is it "This book is based on fact!" vs. "This book is based on fiction?" I don't think anybody knows.

But it's this that we're all sure about, we don't know what to "debate" about and what side to be on simply because there is no side. If your views is that the book is a work of fiction, you'd be saying that Jesus isn't real either. But if you're an atheist, then you have believe that Jesus was an actual person, only the Jesus you believe in was different with the one the Christians worship. Such a messy situation, aye? For once in the entire history, it's not Christian/Atheist separated.

Dan Brown is such a genius. Not because he wrote a fabulously well-written mystery novel, but because he actually created a book that is confusing everybody and making everyone walk around the room, not knowing which chair to sit on.

One thing is sure, no matter what side you're on and what you're trying to say, this whole thing is all about the lovely hippie who lived 2000 years ago: Jesus. That's why I gave him his own personal photo for this article. I'm giving him a bit of pity, because it seems like Christians are so obsessed with themselves that everybody's ignoring the main character of this whole issue.

I'm sure there are a lot of other books that are based on "real people" (if you believe Jesus exists) but based on fictional events. The authors of those books must be biting their lips on how stupid they were for not using a religious symbol and pissing religious people off with it.

The riot with the Christians being against Da Vinci Code is complete bullshit. I thought they were seriously until I saw this article. It's not about the words or what the article said, it's the picture that proved how unrelated this whole boycotting thing is. Now there's finally an explanation on why Christians refuse to believe Global Warming's existence. George Bush doesn't believe in it either. The reason seems to be that Christians are refusing to give up their best way of protesting: burning books. It was exactly the same with Harry Potter. These morons are burning so many books, creating so much smoke, obviously causing more and more pollution, simply because that other book - what the name - oh yes, The Bible says it's "wrong." If only who ever written the fucking book would've replaced "let's hate fags" with "let's love our one and only earth," maybe the world would be so much better - at least cleaner.

And for some reason, all the smoke these people create always end up in Hong Kong. God hates fags - does he hate Chinese people too?

Britney Spears isn't happy

After the incident, she cried her ass off for it. Well, if I almost killed my baby(for a lot of times), I'd probably do that too, so I can't say she's a bad person for that.

She's pretty messed up these days. I think she should just leave her country, leave this planet, and go back to where she's from: Mars. That way, at least nobody'd know and judge her or even make it on the front page of news magazines after she accidently catches her boy on fire while smoking.

I can't say that I didn't pity her after seeing her cry, but she wouldn't have even had to if she didn't wear those heels. It's basic common sense not to wear something so easy to trip on while holding the most important thing on earth in ONE hand. People's judgments shouldn't change from these photos either. Crying doesn't make her a better mother. Plus, what YOU think isn't going to matter on printed paper.

I couldn't even believe my ears when they actually said that the paparazzis made her trip. It was a weak defense and if you've seen the video of it, you'd notice that the paparazzi were a meter away from her as if they were taking photos of a timing bomb. And I think there's a rule in the paparazzi world about being how far away from the celebrity you're aiming.

I was going to write about how ironic it is when Britney said her baby is her religion just last week, but this distracted me. I should've realized that her baby was free, and that's probably why she carries him around 247. I mean, all she had to do was have sex with a walking dick, it was a piece of cake.

Wow, if you introduced this celebrity to someone who's never seen Britney before, the person'd probably rip his clothes off and eat his own shit right there.

Source

Madonna is Horrifying...

While the rest of the world thinks Madonna is old but still sexy, it's about time to add "horrifyingly gay" or "just plain weird" into the list.

Her Confessions on a Dance floor tour just launched, making big money and big discussions about the anti-Republican, political and what Pat Robertson would call "homo" all over the place. I was honestly shocked to my guts and just a bit grossed out while reading this whole article. Especially this sentence:

"four bare-breasted male dancers writhed around with ball gags in their mouths"

Wow. Just wow. She probably just scared all the straight men who only bought her album because they thought she was "hot and still got it" away with that.

I'm also shocked by how political she'd become. Putting Bush and Hitler into the discussion, it seems like she wants more of the liberal votes than the Catholics or Christians. But then again, I don't think those Conservatives really liked her that much. Even with her "Like A Prayer" and some purely religious shit, her humongous vagina can scare away any Bible freak.

"she deviated from the script and made a crude reference to Bush and oral sex."

Ok, ok, we get it! You hate our president! Who doesn't? If only they would just say it and stop using this hidden meanings on us...

And it's revealed that she's crazy about horses. And I mean as in so crazy that she would basically have sex with their saddle.

Her being tied to a crucifix cause even more fuss. So she thinks she's Jesus? That makes her Number 2 on the "Jesus Wannabe" list, along side Kanye West. It's pissing more and more people off (mostly Da Vinci Code haters) and they're wasting more and more time on talking about this concert, which is probably what she wanted in the very first place.

Yes, sweethearts. It's publicity stunts. It's media-whoring. It's money making. It's Hollywood. It's REALITY. And thank God, or whoever the dude is, for creating such a wonderful lie for us all to enjoy.

Britney tires to Kill her Baby... AGAIN.

Link to Video

After seeing Britney Spears wear the Hottest Platform Shoes of the Season at May 18th in The Superficial, I was already suspecting something horrifying to happen. Her stomach is already growing another one of her species, while she's carrying her baby EVERYWHERE on her arm(s?) like a trim, the high-heeled sandals would obviously bring some trouble.

It's been what, the thousandth time Britney'd almost killed her baby in front of a camera? And the paparazzi aren't even always there, so she might've tried to kill Sean Preston a million times more than we think. It's just the tip of the iceberg. And I don't think the Child Services taking the baby away is going to solve anything, since Britney just happens to be one of the richest people alive who's worst at how to use their money on something fair or logical or sane.

I think what's even worse of the whole event is the way the media and the people responded. This wasn't worth the front page! Yeah, like it's such a surprise that Britney almost killed her baby again? It's already old news! We see it every week, for fuck sake.

What I'm pissed about the people is how they'd actually say "she's a good mother" just to defend her. Seriously, she almost dropped her baby because she keeps carrying him in ONE arm EVERYWHERE, and even by that, she still hires bad nannies and gets her boy's skull fractured, her baby looked like he had his back broken when he was riding in her convertible, she got pregnant just a few months(or weeks) after this baby was born, she carried the baby on her lap while driving, she's wearing a fucking bikini and still dressing like a skanky white trash even as a millionaire mother... Seriously. Seriously. SERIOUSLY. If she's a "good mother," then my mama is Goddess of Motherhood simply for not doing any of the above. For Christ's sake, don't lose your logic just because you pity her latest poor reputation.

What's worse is the people who think Britney is a good mom thinks Gwyneth Paltrow is a bad mom simply for naming her children weird names. AT LEAST SHE'S NOT TRYING TO KILL THEM, PEOPLE!

Just a little note here: is it just me, or does Sean Preston Spears look like a fake baby in every single one of his photos? Could Britney Spears' pregnancy just be another stunt like Katie Holmes?

Cameron Diaz Hates her Fans

"Cameron Diaz may be a talented actress, but she's persistently a terrible signer. Instead of just turning down a person's autograph request, she'll lecture them about how dumb autographs are."

Full Article

So, it's revealed that the oh-so-fabulous Camoron Diaz not only doesn't like signing autographs, she actually shoves the piece of paper up her fan's ass to show her disaproval of it. Yet, honestly, the most shocking thing from the article is the word "Talented" next to "actress" that was included in the same paragraph with Comeron Diaz's name.

As someone who suffered through an whole interview of Jay Leno interviewing this airhead, I'm just amazed by how the officials would even consider her a celebrity. She will be turning 40 in 6 years yet she acts like she's still 14, talking with "like", "like" and "like" or "totally" constantly appearing in her sentences and actually folding her legs up the Tonight show's couch as she keep rumbling about poop. She has the weirdest lip and cheeks I've ever seen in my life (right next to Paris Hilton's nose) and I honestly haven't seen a single bit of change in all of her characters since 1998. As Hilary Duff would say, your fans are the only reason why you're even here. Your talentlessness isn't gonna keep you long without them buying 20 copies of your dvds and screaming your name.

Bush Wants Beaners to Learn English

"The White House took both sides in a dispute over English being the national language Friday as a broad immigration bill moved toward a final Senate vote next week with one conservative predicting it will never become law."

Full Article

Is it just me, or is Bush suddenly incredibly liberal comparing to the rest of his hunting buddies?

Bush's words are amazingly agreeable for the past week. Shooing all the illegal immigrants IS totally unrealistic, and whoever thought of the idea must've been high or accidentally read the wrong bible. And the immigrants really should learn English, too. That way they'll be able to get better jobs and hopefully sooner or later those shitty jobs with cleaning toilets can be given back for the crackers.

However, I do think it would be better if he would look at his own people before judging others. Having "must be educated" as a law for the "Beaners" shouldn't be it, they should add the hillbillies to the list. Both species are uneducated and completely clueless about grammar or spelling, yet some how only the beaners are considered as "low-life." At least beaners know how to survive by themselves with cheap, physical labor, while most hillbillies do all day long is drink beer and hit their wives for missing a spot on the floor. If the whole reason of being prejudice against Mexicans is because they're not from America, than might as well do the same thing towards all the whiteys, since they stole the land from Native Americans too, hundreds of years ago.

Well, I guess the color of our skin really does matter. It's odd how a dumb white kid who bullies usually would have an easier life than an Asian kid who gets straight As in school.

No, America isn't racist. It's just getting lamer than it used to.

10 None-of-Your-Concern things in a Short Paragraph!

Hatcher pokes an eye,
Abdul gets drunk and cries,
Officer Lucia's behind bars,
Celebries still all have stupid cars,
Spears fires the nanny,
Jolie's still supposed to be pretty,
Bimbo finally hits the road,
Ashlee thinks she's the hotter toad,
the Millionth List of Most Annoying People,
J-Lo gets sued for doing her usual.

Tom Cruise is still Alive

Unfortunately, according to Boring News again, Tom Cruise is still alive, healthy, clueless, walking, breathing, and destroying earth step by step from paying IMDb into writing pointless gossip with cheesy puns to converting all the Asians into being Scientologists. (seriuosly, those people still think Tom Cruise is the super star while the rest of the English speaking world hates his guts)

Not only is he getting older and dying bits and bits every minute just like the rest of us, he's also getting lamer and lamer and lamer and LAMER and making other people lame with him. The only thing worse I can think about him right now is how he actually thinks he's still cool. Man, people are so full-of-themselves these days. Just when I thought one Kevin Federline was enough, here comes one who is two times older, 5 times bigger(as in fame), even more perverted and disgusting, ten inch smaller(as in height), and eats "weird" food. Fuck Britney and her babies, babies cracking their skulls ain't nothin' compared to destroying the world with sperm-like aliens who enjoy anal sex with bananas.

Britney's squeazing out another one of "it"

I used one of her old photos with her man boobs to remind ourselves of how beautiful this world was before K-Fag decided to fuck it up.

According to this, Britney is not only pregnant with a second child, after doing the math, it shows that she got pregnant just 3 months after giving birth to the poor boy, Sean Preston. No wonder her fell off a high chair, eh? Not only this, news says that Britney just fired her nanny for dropping the baby. Ah, well, either way, Britney's babies are doomed anyways.

But, I have to say, the most surprising news of all this is actually the fact that this article said that K-Fag is only 28. He seriously looks like a 40 year-old horny pervert who grew up with Michael Jackson and forgot to shave and shower for 4 months because he was never sober enough to do it. In other words, the future Sean Preston Fagerline.

Music is Stupidly Disgusting

I'm not even gonna comment on this. Read for yourself.

From Yahoo!Music Top 100 Chart

5. Lil' Romeo - U Can't Shine Like Me
9. Chamillionair - Ridin'
12. T-Pain - I'm 'N Luv Wit A Stripper (at least spell it right)
15. Bubba Sparxxx - Ms. New Booty
16. Pussycat Dolls - Beep
17. Chris Brown - Gimme That
18. Dem Franchize Boyz - Lean wit it, Rock wit it
19. Eminem - Shake That
20. Cascada - Everything We Touch
22. Busta Rhymes - Touch It
23. Ne-Yo - When You're Mad
25. Black Eyed Peas - My Humps
26. Black Eyed Peas - Pump It
28. Nelly - Grillz
32. Carrie Underwood - Jesus, Take the Wheel
34. Kelis - Bossy
35. Beyonce - Check On It
36. Yung Joc - Goin' Down
37. Black Budafly - Bad Girl
42. Fort Minor - Where'd U Go
43. Chris Brown - Yo
44. Three 6 Mafia - Popping My Collar
46. D4L - Laffy Taffy
49. Crazy Frog - Axel F
53. Trace Adkins - Honky Tonk Badonkadonk
56. Aqua - Barbie Girl
57. Ice Cube - Why We Thugs
60. Pussycat Dolls - Stickwitu
64. Bow Wow - Fresh Azimiz
80. Pussycat Dolls - Don't Cha

Making stupid, pointless, disgraceful music isn't a crime, but liking it, sort of... is. Read a book, people!

Best Picture of the Century

It's only been six years since the newest century, but let's face it, it sucked and we're not really expecting much more from the future.

This picture was found from Yahoo! News.(the only Online News site I go to, simply because sometimes they bullshit) Despite the fact that this homeless guy looks a little like Heath Ledger and Kevin Spacy in some sort of way, he is officially the best hobo on the planet. Bragelina are two overrated chicks who deserve way more than supposed to simply for their looks and Jolie's plastic surgery, while this guy sits on the streets with a sign that is way more original than all of those two bitches' movies combine. If I could, I would hire him to do commercials. Commercials about celebrities sucking, just to make that clear.

Somebody give the guy some pennies!

Women are Pretty (Stupid, I mean)

First of all, I am a female myself(surprise!), so don't get all "you're a sexist" on me cause it won't work.

According to this:

A 76-year-old man claiming to be a doctor went door-to-door in a Florida neighborhood offering free breast exams, and was charged with sexually assaulting two women who accepted the offer, police said on Thursday.

If a very old man comes to your door, says "can I grab your tits?" What do you say? NO! Screw all the sex education, I think the first thing we need to teach these sons of bitches is to NOT be so frigging naive. And the women the dude "assaulted" are actually full grown women. They say you shouldn't blame the victim, but blame the criminal, and I partly have to agree with that, but we girls seriously need to smarten up! Men are supposed to be the ones who are "stupid". Why else would there only be one male student in a whole college? (true story, right there) Without the intelligence, women are nothing. We are not physically built for big stuff, and we have to concentrate on the small ones to save our asses, people! Words can work better than violence, that is, unless you can't even spell.

Seriously, the dude looks like Chicken Little's grandpa.

Somewhere in the past century, some disease must've caught on all the women, because I don't remember women being so stupid back in the 1800's. Back then, the women actually read and do stuff that changed the world of sexism, but now all these women seem to care more about bikini wax than whether they can vote. You'd say only American women are dumb and naive, but Asians are too. Especially Japanese, since the men are already 5 times sicker than usual. I lived in Asia for a while, and even though the women have better grades, they're still just as air headed and unexperienced or unwarned when it comes to reality. Seriously, girls, GET ON THE BATTLEFIELD AND STOP PAINTING YOUR NAILS!

I just gotta thank my father for making me so aware of the hypocritical douche bags we have in this world. My pops cheated on my mom, and worse than that, after the divorce he decided to cut off any connection between my mom and all his kids. We ended up living minimum wage in a country with really horrific educational program. My mom always told me to take a second look before trusting someone completely, and for the past tons of years of dating, I'm glad that I followed the most basic instinct of all(which isn't basic among most women). I hope anyone who's reading this (which I assume, nobody) would look harder at the people you trust. Friends are for babies, everybody is a hypocrite now. Even yourself. And stop being one isn't gonna help the situation. Fuck the Bible, good is never gonna defeat evil. Evil vs. Evil is the real battle, stop being the lamb.

Crap, I went off topic again. Man, this is a disease!

Best Wishes for Tom and Katie...

(Man, I swear I almost typed Katie into Jerry, which would've made it so awesome.)

As we've all heard the happiest (and saddest) news of all, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes just had their lovely daughter! I am so happy for them. I hope they live forever with joy and good health, as long as both of them would agree to stop making films and fucking disappear already!

Now, let me see, they are on:

• Yahoo! News Entertainment Front Page
• The Superficial
• CBS News
• ABC News Online (it's in the fucking corner!)
• Fox News (It's in the fucking corner, too!!!)
• IMDb.com
• BBC News Frontpage (and it's fucking British!)
• CNN (I always thought CNN was the only sane news channel...)
• E! Online Frontpage
• TV.com Frontpage
• News.com.au (it's... Australian!?)

etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc....

It seems like everybody's pretty exited about this birth. I hope the excitement is the anticipation of the end of all TomKat discussions, because they managed to become the only people in this entire world to be more annoying than Paris Hilton, fallowed by mosquitoes and cockroaches.

Apparently the only site left that doesn't have the article is Islam Online. I've changed my whole idea about them. Whatever they do, at least they're not as fucked up as the English Speaking Media.

Google thinks George Bush is a Miserable Failure

I heard this from my sister, and she heard it from someone I don't know so I'm can't write any"credits", but it's amazingly awesome and hilarious. That is, if you're a Bush hater, which you probably are since his approval rating is already under 30. (or was it 40? Eh, who gives a shit)

Anyhoo, the first step of entering this magical world of awesomeness is to enter Google.com, then type "Miserable Failure" in the search bar, and press the "I'm Feeling Lucky" button that's sitting right next to the "Search" button. The first thing you know, a page of George Bush's Biography shows up on your screen. Maybe it's just coincidence, maybe not. It's up to you.

Just like anybody else, this game inspired me into searching something else. But just the second run made me give up. I searched "Idiot" and all I got was a lousy game about how to keep an idiot busy, and when I searched "douche bag", it showed an page about how to actually use the actual "douche bag", which was quite disturbing. Now I can't even use the word "douche bag" without thinking about a vagina. Damn you, Kevin Federline!

Oh, snap! (it's ancient, but I love it) It's official. Google is SO a democrat! I was like, bored, so I was like, searching... so I was like typing "kicking ass" on the, like, search bar for no reason, and you won't believe, like, what appeared! The Democratic Blog! Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, it is like, SO fetch.

If you didn't understand my sarcasm and mockery, you belong in Paris Hilton's guest list. The search happened because the words "kicking ass" were actually in the title, and even if you search "ass", the same page would still show up so Google is still probably an Independant. But who cares, really? I don't even use the site that often. *sigh, roll eyes, fold arms and stomp a foot*

You'd think being named Moses and Apple is a living hell...

I've heard several complaints about people ranting how they "pity" the fact that those kids will grow up being teased for their names. And they probably will, but I don't think the kids would give a shit about being teased when they have a Overrated British Rock Star as a father, an Overrated Oscar Winning Actress as their mother, and the most Overrated Director of all time, Steven Spielberg, as their God Father. Before you start pitying someone, notice how pathetically poor and disgustingly underrated your own family is first.

Photo from GettyImages

Hottest New Trend: Getting Knocked Up and Stealing Babies

It seems like a week ago, the biggest trend in Hollywood was so start perfume brands that have absolutely nothing to do with the spokesperson themselves. But now, the best trend of all-time is, in fact, stealing babies from other countries and having unsafe sex that get you knocked up then getting engaged to a complete douche bag and turning into a useless fat white trash after that.

• Britney Spears shouldn't even be a mom, but I'm not protesting because as long as the airhead is still on topic we have the right to poke fun at her. She's also another reminder on how disgusting this world and how stupid people can be at times.
• Katie Holmes probably isn't even pregnant. The whole thing with Tom Cruise is probably all fake, just to gain publicity. I hardly knew who Holmes was before all this, the only movie I've seen her do was "The 1st Daughter" and it sucked ass. I liked her better when she was Rachel Bilson.
• Angelina Jolie was basically the one who started the whole trend. She'd adopted a whole shoe of freaky kids. Now that she's finally pregnant, those she adopted would probably be left on the street again in no time.
• Gwyneth Paltrow might've had rumors about drinking alcohol, but she actually seems like the most trust worthy mother in the whole world. She's not only the only supermom who's won an Oscar, her husband is actually not a douche bag!

In Hollywood, it seems like you either have to get knocked up before marriage, get knocked up by a douche bag, or adopt a lot of foreign kids incase you think your own baby might be too ugly since you had plastic surgery. I have to say, adoption seems to make people better moms, other wise all these forced-to-be celebrity mommies seem to be trying to kill their babies. Drinking alcohol, dropping them and cracking their skulls... Man, Hollywood is a complete different world from real civilization, isn't it? If they keep on letting Barbie and Ken adopt kids, I'm gonna surgically turn myself into a baby and get adopted by one of them, simply so I can get dropped on my head, too, and live the rest of my life mentally challenged. Being mentally challenged must be a hell of fun, I'd have no worries and I won't even get pissed off by the horrible government Bush has created. But really, if plastic dolls can get married, I don't see why homosexuals can't.

And also, revealing horrifying truths are also one of the biggest trends. First Lindsay Lohan revealed the fact that she's a bulimic drugaddict, then Tari Hatcher revealed that she was molested as a kid, and then Tom Cruise revealed how he had an abusive father. It's all just so fun, isn't it, how Hollywood looks more like a Lifetime movie, which is totally uncool. But then again, uncool is only uncool until uncool becomes cool, and I'm guessing the uncoolness is about to be cool sooner or later since all these main characters of this Lifetime movie happens to have everything they want.